The Bullshit Observer

OBAMA: Politics Fail Us

As predicted, I've started to see a lot of negative press out there about President Obama. The honeymoon wears off, always. So not only do we get the constant barrage from FOX "News", but there's also quite a bit of biting chatter from the left. He's squandering this opportunity, they claim. He's mismanaging the change, they infer. He's allowing torture to continue. He's perpetuating Bush policies. Etc. and so on.

I'm not going to defend him.

Because I don't really know if it's defensible. But what I would caution is the tendency to equate crticism with knowing the right answer. Just because you can see a good example of how it should NOT be done, doesn't mean you know how it should be done.

Politics has become more about what flaws your willing to accept. And I'd prefer Obamas flaws and failures to Bush's any day of the week. I think Obama's flaws and failings are probably better than McCain's would have been. And I'm so reliveved that we don't have to sit around the campfire and converse about Sarah Palin and her nutball family. Small mercies.

As an American, I'm not sure we can say that we have leaders per se. We have market forces, and lobbyists, and PR firms, and representatives who are bought and paid for. But we do not have leaders. We are a country that is leaderless. We're flaiting along. I wonder where wi'll end up.

Politicians Screwing Around: Should We Care?

 

As a congressman, Mark Sanford voted in favor of three of four articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton, citing the need for "moral legitimacy." As a Governor, he's just admitted to having an affair of his own. Will he step down?

Doesn't look that way.

And you know what, I really don't care. Like you, I'm tired of hearing about every single politician screwing around on their wives. Does it have anything to do with their job performance? No. Does it endanger the citizenry? No. Does it throw into question your trust of that politician? Ha! Trick question. You should never trust a politician.

These are people who time and time again have shown that they have a questionable relationship with the very idea of morality. These are people who think ethics is situational, not absolute. These are people whose voting records can be directly linked to their donor records. Of course they screw around on their wives. The wives are mostly for show anyway.

The fact that this Governor went missing (out of country no less) for a week to see his lover is a much bigger issue than the fact that he actually had one. But that doesn't sell news coverage to the same degree that extra-marital affairs do. The only way the media will stop trying to get you riled up about this cheating that doesn't matter is if you stop caring.

And then every time they report it, you can loudly proclaim to anyone within earshot that you couldn't care less. That would help.

Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room Much Like Every Other Room

Here's the situation: Wolf Blitzer has been usurped by the media establishment and is shilling for the man. Who isn't, right? Well, okay, but it's still irksome to me that this media hero of the first Iraq war is now hosting a show called "The Situation Room" that would have you believe that everything he talks about is, "a situation."

Webster defines situation as: A state of affairs of special or critical significance. They define a Situation Room as: a room at a military or political headquarters where the latest information on a military or political situation is channeled.

And what passes for a critical state of affairs in Blitzerland?

• Situation: Comedian Bill Maher is critical of President Obama in a funny and slightly quirky, but still lovable way. Brought to you by Duracel.
• Situation: Latinos Praise Sotomayor and Tamaflu and Rainbows. Brought to you by The World Games 2009.
• Situation: Wife of failed Presidential candidate John Edwards speaks out. This is actually Oprah, but is playing in The Situation Room because it was only 9 months ago when we would have cared even in the slightest what she has to say.
• Situation: Obama and Biden go for burgers. Obama wears red tie, Biden...blue tie. News at 11.

The show title sells us on the idea that they will be covering significant, maybe even critical events of the day. Then, when you arrive or tune in, you get the lady's solon gossip and political rubbernecking from a guy who just 15 years ago was ducking Patriot missiles whilst single-handedly launching the CNN brand into the world. Sigh. So disappointed.

Why People Think They'll Be The Next American Idol

Some people can't sing, but they do. It's an unfortunate phenomenon that mostly happens in their cars with the music turned up just enough so that it can trick their ear and their minds into thinking that they can sing. They go along with the trick of the ear because they like the feeling of being able to sound like their favorite singer. They can pretend that they are talented, and famous, and beautiful.

Sometimes they trick themselves so completely, that they can start to do it without the music turned up. Suddenly they think they should be on national television competing to become the next American Idol. Let's be clear. This is a mental disorder. It even has a name. It's the Dunning-Kruger effect.

The Dunning-Kruger effect is an example of cognitive bias in which "...people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it"^[1]. They therefore suffer an illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average. This leads to a perverse result where people with less competence will rate their ability more highly than people with relatively more competence.

American Idol is a show that puts this widespread disorder on display for all to see.

I am also guessing that there's a version of this disorder that effects the judges themselves, namely Paula Abdul, whereby they think they are sober and coherent while they are stoned out of their heads talking total gibberish.

It's Here! Your Gay Pride Parade Postcard Is Here!

Click to send it to your red state friends. Don't have any red state friends? I didn't think so.

Thinking of Moving To LA? Think Again

This girl here has some words of advice for her friend "OT" who's thinking about moving to Los Angeles. Don't. So that's just one word. Fuck you. For a girl in the city of angels, this one has a nasty mouth. And it's delightful. Fuckin' sunny weather. Fuckin' tranquility in the mountains. Hey nice charity. Nice car asshole. Fuckin' personal space. Mumble mumble grumble grumble.

Another Beauty Queen Fired By Trump

I'm starting to think The Donald doesn't like pretty girls anymore.

In a statement, Trump claims that Carrie Prejean WAS NOT fired for her statement that gays should not be allowed to marry. Mr. Trump reassured his fans that while he would still, "totally tap that," the blondina with the traditional values was fired for speaking out against gay marriage WHILE she was supposed to be making token hot chick apparances on behalf of the Miss California organization. Plus the, er, nude photos.

Personally, I don't see why those should be against the rules. They're art. Right Miley?

So Miss Prejean will now just have to go back to making gobs and gobs of money as a model and being famous for being against marriage for people of the same sex.

It is rather nice to know that backwards thinking neo-conservative wingnuts don't all have to be old, fat, and Rush-Limbaugh-esque. If you're going to be listening to someone spew crap, it might as well be coming out of a very pretty mouth.

Climate Change Is Speeding Up

None of us has any idea.

Jim Hansen, not the Muppet guy but the scientist guy and one of the prominent faces involved in the discussion on climate change, has slightly more of an idea. But mostly what he adds to the debate is profound sinking feeling that we have no idea what we're in for. One thing's for sure: It's bad.

The following is all happening faster than what scientists had originally predicted:

• The arctic ice is less than half of what it was a few decades ago.
• Mountain glaciers are already receding all over the world. This will have huge impacts on fresh water supplies when they are gone (less than 50 years).
• Ice sheets are losing mass at a significant rate.
• Coral reefs, a critical marine ecosystem, are dying off.
• Sub-tropics have expanded by 4 degrees toward the poles. This is causing severe droughts in places like California whose populations outstrip it's new, lower water supply.

Not even the scientists studying this are able to grasp the speed of it all. Seasons are shifting. Southern temperatures are coming northward. Climatic zones are altering. And with that birds and other animals are migrating to stay where they are most viable. This changes everything. And everything changes everything which changes everything which changes everything again. Follow me? It's all connected, it's all in motion, and we have very little idea what's going to do what to what. Billions of input factors, hundreds of trillions of possible scenarios, and humans are barely scraping the surface of what is going on.

Some of us don't even believe any of this stuff is actually happening. Companies like Exxon pay people to lie to them (even though they promised to stop doing that). But one day those people are going to be dead and their children will be left with a planet that's very very different. For one thing, most of the living things on Earth will be dead too.

Here's the Interview:

The Incredible Shrinking Attention Span

Nobel Prize winner in Economics, Herbert A. Simon, wrote, "What information consumes is rather obvious: It consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention, and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.”

Sam Anderson writing for The New York Magazine concludes, "As beneficiaries of the greatest information boom in the history of the world, we are suffering a correspondingly serious poverty of attention."

Anderson further adds, "Adopting the Internet as the hub of our work, play, and commerce has been the intellectual equivalent of adopting corn syrup as the center of our national diet, and we’ve all become mentally obese." Personally I think it's more like we've adopted air as the center of our national diet and we've all become mentally malnourished."

As somebody who basically sells the Internet for work and play, and who must therefore consume it in massive doses, I feel this more acutely than I imagine others do. I sit in meeting with people who's handheld devices are ever-vibrating. These meetings are often a long series of tangents (I'm as much or more to blame for this than anyone, by the way). We often pride ourselves on the ability to switch gears, but not much on our ability to stay focused. In fact, staying focused in this environment may be a hindrance.

Even socially, one who IS able to maintain focus and stay on topic might find themselves out of step with their friends and acquaintances.

And that's where the book DISTRACTION comes in. Author and Journalist Maggie Jackson argues that our society's inability to focus heralds an impending Dark Age—an era historically characterized by the decline of a civilization amid abundance and technological advancement. Jackson posits that our near-religious allegiance to a constant state of motion and addiction to multitasking are eroding our capacity for deep, sustained, perceptive attention—the building block of intimacy, wisdom and cultural progress and stunting society's ability to comprehend what's relevant and permanent.

I have this fantasy that I would invent this sensory deprivation tank where you submerge yourself in warm water, shut the metal door, and stay there for a couple of hours. Sounds like heaven to me.

Mormon Underwear: Mentioning the Unmentionables

Modeled by Mitt and Anne Romney here, Mormon underwear, or "garmies" as they're referred to by cult members, are designed to serve as a reminder of special promises made to their God. Given that Utah is the state with the highest online porn use in the country (and probably the least sex between married couples), I would have to say that perhaps they need a much better reminder. Maybe post it notes or writing stuff on their hands.

Can you image coming across a Mormon at McDonalds with "Do not wack off to pictures of Elle Liberachi!," in big letters on his hand?

According to Mormons, mocking the Mormon garment is a very offensive form of hate-speech. According to ex-Mormons, mocking the Mormon garment is more like therapy-speech. As far as I'm concerned, it's pointing-out-how-wacked-the-self-righteous-moralizers-are speech.

Some comments about "garmies" from across the country:

Cheryl: "As I grew up, every adult I knew wore garmies. My aunties peed through a gaping slit in them."

Gary: "I have had people look at me in an odd manner when they can tell I'm not wearing garments."

Helen: "When I stopped wearing garments, but was still going to Church, I always made sure I wore something that would not even give a hint I may not be wearing my garments for that would have ended in a call to the Bishop's office."

The Lyoness: There are garment lines, and then there are “normal people” underwear lines.  If I had stopped wearing my garments without telling my coworkers first, they would have noticed anyway.

Though I totally and completely respect the Mormon faith, I simply must point out (that it's a freakish cult with a fucked up sense of reality) this rather odd custom. That is all. Complaints can be submitted in the comment field. ta-ta.

Inhaling Food: Eating Disorder or Fad

For years, when people have watched me eat they say the same thing, "My God, you just inhaled that (insert food item here, usually a burrito)." Sometimes I'll be "eating" with someone and they'll suddenly notice that my food is gone even though they never saw me take a bite - nothing but a couple of small sauce splotches left on my plate.

My motto is: When you're gathered around the kill with the other hunters, eat fast and take big bites. I'm sure that's how my people survived. After all, you don't "dine" when you only get maybe 4 big-game kills a summer. No, you inhale...cuz someone's going to bed hungry that night and it ain't going to be me.

Then again, it's 2009 and we gather around all-you-can-eat buffets, not dead buffaloes that are still a little twitchy. But instincts, they die hard.

So eating fast is one kind of inhaling. Then there's what scientist and Harvard University professor David Edwards has recently invented which is call Le Whif - a revolutionary gadget that lets you breathe in different chocolates and eventually other foodstuffs.

Edwards said: "Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion."

Actually, I think America consumes bigger portions at the regular intervals. Hence all the tub-o-lards. But whatever, he's a Harvard scientist so I'll go with him on that.

He calls it whiffing. The chocolate, you see, is a very fine powder in a small plastic cylinder (OMG, this guy is like a total coke-head with a bad chocolate craving). You inhale it - I'm unclear whether it's through the nose or mouth). According to Edwards, the particles don't go into your lungs because they're too big. Unfortunately he doesn't tell us where they do go. No doubt you'll wind up with 4lbs of high-grade Ghirardelli  shoved up your nose or in the back of your throat when it's all said and done. Hmm, can't wait until they invent the chicken waffle inhaler system so that I can have that wedged all up in my nasal passages.

But then again, zero calories.

"Chocolate is only the beginning - we're going to be unveiling more different types of food in the future," crows Edwards.

I can't wait to inhale a 7 square foot slice of tiramasu. But then again, I ain't goanna hold my breath for that. 

If you want to buy one, they're here.

Symptoms Of Swine Flu

Here's Dr. Joe Bresee, the Branch Chief, in the branch of Epidemiology and Prevention of the CDC's Influenza Division explains in his most boring monotone voice how the symptoms of Swine Flu are pretty much exactly the same as the symptoms of any other flu. He recommends the same exact precautions and basically the same exact treatment as one might expect to hear for regular flu. In short, what the hell?
Seriously, I just have to wonder exactly what is getting done right now in the halls of power while the world is preoccupied with this vapid threat. What sort of raping and pillaging is going on while the magician has us distracted with this pig in a top hat?

The First Hundred Days: An In Depth View

Does Swine Flu Taste Like Bird Flu?

I've got swine flu on my mind these days and you want to know why? Because the media put it there. It's not because of the dead people. After all, far fewer people have died from swine flu than died of the regular puke your guts out flu (60,000 a year in the US). Further, the only place it seems to be presenting itself as a deadly flu is in Mexico. And I hate to point this out, but the health care system in Mexico ranks just above witch-doctor-with-a-buck-knife on the quality meter.

And how did this flu get that name anyway. Swine. Seems a little uppity for a virus. I suppose the term influenza wasn't exotic enough.

Wherever the name came from one thing is for sure, the Israelis are very unhappy about it. Their religion, they say, prevents the consumption of pork. Except, you don't get this flu by consuming pork. Hence, I'm not sure how this ties in. Swine Flu is so named because it contains genetic material from a pig. In which case getting the Swine Flu for a Jew or Muslim might be like getting closer to God.

Maybe the Israeli health official who officially complained was just looking for a little media time all to himself. He suggested "Mexican Flu," instead, which, I'm sure, would thrill the Mexicans. "Oh Gee thanks Amigo. It's not enough that we're dying down here, now you want to name the fucking cause of death after us." Can you imagine someone suggesting the "Jewish Flu?"

The World Health Organization stepped in and suggested the "North American Flu Epidemic." Praise Allah. Now that we've got the new name figured out, let's decide what the logo is going to be. Should this new flu have a color palette and a style guide?

Someone get that guy over there a bucket, I think he's going to hurl.

The real question is, are any big names Twittering about the Swine Flu? Or better yet, does this flu have their own Twitter page? Have you thought about YouTube and MySpace and Facebook? Everyone knows you simply can't create a proper panic without some kind of social media outlet. What would Ashton Kutcher say?!!!

I think the Swine Flu should also start thinking about accessorizing. Gas masks are a good way to start. You should completely toss out the regular old military-issue gas masks. What you really need to do is  tie into the styles of the day. Get some decent colors. Shit, if I have to cover my face with something, I'd like for it to at least match my outfit...and I don't mean black matches everything kind of matching. I mean thoughtful matching. Pinks, greens, yellows. It's Spring for heavens sakes. Chop chop. 

Chances That You Will Believe This: High