Excuse Proof Your Training Regimen

By now, most people's New Years resolutions are starting to weaken under the stress of their well-ingrained bad habits. The average American's excuse generator really starts to kick into full whine mode around mid-February.

"I have too much work to do."

"I'm too tired."

I'll do it later...later...later.

My calf is a little sore, I don't want to injure it.

About this time, we could all use a Navy Seal trainer standing over us screaming, "Get THE FUCK off your ass you whiny little walrus turd. In fact, gimme 50 right goddamn now. Comeon, push em' out you twinkle toes weasel-fuck."

The training that those guys go through is among the most intense physical tests known to man. But the shape they get into is enviable. So it's worth paying attention when a Navy Seal comes up with a new, relatively accessible way to remove the jelly roll from the butt that costs far less than joining a gym and lets you commit on your own terms.

It's called TRX and it consists of a suspension gadget made of a pair of non-elastic straps with handles joined by a metal clasp ring. To set it up, you wrap the straps around a freestanding pole or over a thick branch. Then you use your own weight to perform up to 300 exercises like knee tucks or atomic pushups (see video). It can fit in the side pocket of your suitcase. You can use it in your submarine, out on patrol in Anbar Province, or on your business trip while you're out selling widgets.

Don't get me wrong, you still have to work your ass. But at least you can do it someplace where you don't have to listen to Britney Spears' "Toxic" at full volume.

TRX is already in wide use in the military. As you can imagine, it's not easy for the brave men and women serving our country abroad to use the gym ("Excuse me Mohammed, mind if I work in?"). The only running they get is sprinting between buildings and away from suicide bombings. So they train indoors wherever they happen to be.

TRX was also recently featured in Sports Illustrated as part of New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees recuperation regimen for 2006/07.

Supposedly, 50 minutes with this bad boy is all I need to work every muscle in my scrawny-ass little body.

Suspension training is a trend that's starting to spread through the personal trainer industry - making its way to the maggots en masse. If you rely heavily on the, "it just doesn't fit into my schedule," excuse for getting out of working your body, then it's time to get with the program, jump on the team, and come on in for the big win.

Hey diddle diddle, right up the middle. Check out the video....