The Bullshit Observer

Hello Angry Christians

Angry evangelicals wrote to this British comedian, Pat Condell, to tell him that they hope he burns for eternity in the fires of hell for some of the things he's said about religion and the bible.  In this cheerfully delivered video response, Mr. Condell politely points out the obvious hypocrisy of this these sentiments, and the hypocrisy of how the Christian religion is practiced as a whole.

"Jesus died for my sins and I must say that I feel somewhat guilty about it. But I can't help wishing that Jesus had asked me before he went ahead with it because now I feel like I'm being billed for something that I did not order."

Good stuff. Cheers!

Climate Crisis: Czech President Is A Crank

I lived in Prague for two years and I've seen Vaclav Klaus speak on more than one occasion. That man loves a controversy.

Thanks to his love of the spotlight and his insatiable ego, Klaus is drawn to a fight like a moth to a flame. An economist at heart, he is staunchly pro-business. So it's no surprise to anyone who knows him that he has chosen to join the Global Warming nay-sayers camp. A small camp it is, but they do have their own think tank, no shortage of cash, and an opportunity to share a very large spotlight. The climate is fine, they say. It's not humans, it's nature. Throw another log on the inferno and let's sing Puff The Magic Dragon some more.

"Global warming is a myth and I think that every serious person and scientist says so," says Klaus in an interview with Hospidarsky Noviny." Environmentalism as a meta-physical ideology and as a world view has absolutely nothing to do with natural sciences or the climate itself." Bold words for a guy who studied economics at University.

With his audacious assertions and sharp wit, he will attempt to make Al Gore the straw man in the debate. He will tease and poke Gore like the playground bully that he is at heart. It won't be difficult. But the facts about the climate crisis will remain. How will Klaus explain the massive extinction of species on the planet? How will he explain the death of parts of the oceans, the extreme changes in weather patterns, the melting of the polar ice caps? Is the huge loss of habitat not a problem, Honza?

Did the Holocaust not happen too? What color is the sky in your world, President Klaus?   

The Dangers Of Cultural Sensitivity

Compared with centuries gone by, Europe has become quite tolerant of other cultures, religions, and ethnicities of late. I mean, they're definitely not hanging heretics upside down in the town square and sawing them in half from their balls to their neck anymore. But what happens when, as in the case of European Muslims, this sensitivity goes so far as to condone behaviors that would otherwise be deemed illegal, if not outright barbaric? Fathers beating the crap out of daughters. Discriminating against women. Etc.

British comedian Pat Condell talks about the dangers of pandering to Islamic minorities in Europe. It's worth a listen. 

When you care enough to hit "send"

My friend Tom pointed me to some of the funniest e-cards I have ever seen (called someecards.com). And there are a ton of them. Here are a few of my favorites.

As many of you know, when creating ads, it's often best to start with a nugget of human truth. Where that truth comes from doesn't matter as long as you find it.  Sometimes that nugget of truth that you find can be totally hilarious all by themselves. This card company is basically a repository for such hilarious honesties such as:

• Sorry I accidentally cc'ed you on an email insulting you.
• I'm ready to change my Facebook status if you are. 
• There's nothing quite as sad as our happy hours.
• I want to meet someone and fall in love without getting up.
• Life has become a major distraction from my Blackberry.
• Have a great time here while I'm on vacation.
• You're going to be a great father if you're the father.

The company tagline: When you care enough to hit send.

Top Ten Greenest Cities

According to Move.com, the top ten greenest cities are:

Portland, Oregon, noted for bike-friendliness. They are a very friendly people, those Orgonians. Very agreeable. They even like skateboards.

Austin, Texas, who apparently gets props for having Whole Foods. Why? Green = money?

Minneapolis, Minissota, lauded as being a commuter's paradise. They also have, according to Move.com, 200,000 trees. I'm sure the Move.com fact checker really appreciated that one. You do have a fact checker, yes?

Boulder, Colorado. I mean what top ten city list would be complete without Boulder? Boulder is known for everything good. The hiking, the picnics, the Rush Limbaugh ditto-heads. I wonder how many trees they have.

Burlington, Vermont: See Boulder, Colorado.

Madison, Wisconsin was the first city in the US to offer curbside recycling. Plus there are three bikes for every car. Now if they could make that the girl to guy ratio, they'd get some takers on that butt-cold winter. PS: How many trucks per bike?

New York, New York.  The accidental contestant. After all, the only way to get around is public transportation and your own two feet.

San Francisco, California. That's right, we're more than just pompous-ass liberal nutjobs. We're pompous ass liberal nutjobs who recycle, carpool, and tax the ever-loving shit out of ourselves to create renewable energy programs. And hey, we have a lot of trees too.

Santa Monica, California. Somehow this car-loving town managed to cut greenhouse emissions by 10% over the past 15 years. Must be the ocean breeze.

Chicago, Illinois. All of their museums run on solar power. Now if they could get all of their tenement housing projects to run on something other than crack cocaine, then I think they'd really have something there.

All in all, a predictable list. One might even guess that the list was barely researched. The credentials are all there, but the official criteria about what makes a green city are nowhere to be found. Was there an official criteria and if so, was it something that could be quantified (beyond tree counting)? There are, after all, over 30,000 incorporated cities in the US. What about Berkeley? What about Seattle? What about Bangor? 

Interesting to note that three of the ten are also in CNN Money's list for top ten smartest cities (cities with the most college degrees.)

Regarding Talk Like A Pirate Day

Dear Talk Like A Pirate Day Evangelists,

Yes, I know. Today was talk like a Pirate Day. Thanks for the big heads up. It happens every year. Around 11am, I get an email or perhaps notice one of your IM status messages (Yoo-Ho-Ho-and a bottle of shut the fuck up) that talk like a Pirate Day is today. It's happening now! There are accents to be butchered, matey! Set sail for your nearest acquaintance and chew the bleedn' fat in your worst Scottish brogue.

Put your objects after your bleedn' verbs, call your morning coffee "Grog", say "Arrr" so often that someone files an HR complaint against you, and use the word "Blimey" at the sign of even the smallest inconvenience or disappointment even though it's Australian and not Pirate.

Oh, and don't forget to take your octaves down about 47 notches and pretend that you're you're an alcoholic who lives under a bridge near an ocean.

But guys, do me a favor from now on. Next year give us all a little more of a heads up. Because if we're going to be doing this every year, we should be prepared and we should be fucking good at it. Okay matey? Just a couple of days notice would be swell. And then we could study the stupid language and at least look like an idiot using it correctly.

Thanks, you scurvy scum you,

The Bullshit Observer

The Environmental Pollution Agency Is At It Again

A new regulation proposed by the EPA would allow hazardous waste that previously was burned in specially-designed incinerators to instead be disposed of in industrial boilers or municipal incinerators. 107,000 tons of the stuff a year. This represents a loosening of rules governing incineration at a time when the climate crisis is widely considered to be the biggest problem facing mankind. It also represents another in a long line of backwards steps that the agency has made under the stewardship of Bush appointees.

Bad news for most living things on the planet. However, the Exxon/Mobile Corporation, who was allowed to review the EPA's supporting science before having it widely distributed (in an apparent breach of agency guidelines and an obvious conflict of interest issue), was understandably thrilled with the new regulation.

Let's face it, they probably wrote the thing. 

Water Vs. water

Picture, if you will, a snow capped mountain with a tiny, gentle trickle of snow melt cutting through the glistening ice. That trickle becomes a stream which flows down into a clean, steel collection tube. Out of the other end of that tube, about 5 miles downhill, gushes of the cleanest, purest water known to man.  The nectar of the Gods. You drink it and you feel more alive than you've felt in years.

It's bottled right there at the source and shipped directly to your local supermarket. $1.19 a pint. Cha-ching, have a nice day.

Recently some purveyors of this amazing liquid were required by law to let everyone in on a little secret behind the facade of their branding: the source of their product is the selfsame faucet everyone was trying to avoid by drinking their liquid in the first place. That's not to say that all bottled waters originate from a tap, but about 25-40% of them do.

The main offenders are, of course, Coke (Dasani), Pepsi (AquaFina), and Nestle' (Pure Life). Yet, their brand stewards seize every opportunity to sell the image I describe above. The AquaFina label features the snow capped peaks. Nestle's Water website features pictures of icicles slowly melting.  It's a lie.

To be fair to them, their water is usually filtered a bunch of times after it leaves the tap. You might surmise that filtering the water makes it better for your body. You might assume that tap water is universally unhealthy. Wrong and wrong. A four year study conducted by the National Resources Defense Council found that bottled water isn't necessarily clearer or healthier than the liquid from your municipal water source.

Bottled water is also much tougher on the environment. Like that Fiji water? I sure do.  But think about how far it travels. Shipping Fiji water to California alone produced about 2,500 tons of CO2 in 2006. It takes 10 million barrels of oil a year to manufacture the bottles we Americans use. Spent water bottles are thrown away and, over time, leech dangerous chemicals into the...wait for it...water supply. You could say, in the environmental sense, that bottled water is actually worse for you in the long run than tap water.

As for the taste difference, well, I'm no expert. But these people are. And as far as they're concerned, none of the big water brands are noteworthy.

And what the hell is up with this $40 bottle of water?

Operation Save Face

Taking a fine tooth comb to some of Bush's recent statements about progress in Iraq one finds clumps of misstatements falling right out into the sink. Clearly Bush's latest strategy is to try and manufacture some credibility by simply claiming that his surge strategy in Iraq is working. Truth be told, there's a ton of sand caught in the wheels of progress and gains are minimal at best. 

Following is an analysis using  the AP article and FactCheck.org's article

BUSH STATEMENT:
Last year we had written off Anbar province and conceded ownership to al-Qaida.  Now it's ours.

FACT CHECK:
Sunni sheiks have defied al Qaida, but it's still a threat. In fact, one of the leaders of the Sunni revolt against al Qaida was killed just this week.  The province remains the second most deadly place in Iraq and al-Qaida remains a threat.

BUSH STATEMENT:
The Iraqi army has improved and we can now maintain security gains with fewer forces.

FACT CHECK:
According to the Brookings Institute, “sectarian violence has remained constant despite the ’surge.’” The Washington Post reports that the number of unidentified bodies found in the streets has risen, not fallen. The Iraqi Defense Minister says that it will be 2012 before Iraq will be even 60% capable of protecting itself from external threats.

BUSH STATEMENT:
We thank the 36 nations who have troops on the ground in Iraq and the many others who are helping that young democracy.

FACT CHECK:
Most contributions are token in comparison to the resources and efforts being put forth by the US government. And by the way Georgey, your own State Department puts the number at 25, not 36.

As much as I like watching Bush caught in a web of lies and bad judgment, I would prefer that what he was saying was true - that we were making progress. That there was a way to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. That we could bring the poor soldiers home. Then again, I'd also like to see him choke on another pretzel.

 

(tip o' the hat to deepmuckbigrake.com)

A Word Of Caution On Petraeus Bashing

War criminal? Traitor? Gosh, I don’t know guys. Sounds a bit extreme to me. I mean, do you KNOW he's lying?

Lying or no, Petraeus has unofficially begun his campaign for President in 2012. That certainly would increase the likelihood  that his ambitions are effecting both his testimony and our war strategy. But who really knows?

The fact that we don’t have perfect access to facts in Iraq limits our ability to question what he tells us. Was it the surge that sidelined Al Qaeda or was it the Sunni tribal leaders? Is the Iraqi military really prepared to take on a bigger role or is that just hogwash? Is sectarian violence really down or is this some statistical trick pulled off by simply changing how sectarian violence is defined or categorized? We don’t know and we can’t know.

Given the administration’s record on lying their lily white asses off, it’s smart to be completely skeptical of what their newly appointed general has to say about the situation on the ground in Iraq. But before you pull out the gasoline filled bottles with rags hanging out, let’s get some third party data to at least suggest that what Petraeus is saying is crap.

Until then we can just cough the word bullshit and vote with our, well, votes. Bottom line: America is probably failing in Iraq, and many of us hope that continues so that we can continue to watch Bush fail. Let’s not get so committed to failure that we lose sight of the benefits of winning or the possibility that we may be able to yet.