Enter a world where dysfunctional, coked up studio execs with IMAX sized egos hold the hands of talented directors and churn out bloated, over-hyped remakes of bloated, over-hyped movies from yesteryear. based on the book by the same name. It’s a land where the trailer is AT LEAST twice as good as the movie itself and it’s all about pumping the opening weekend. You’ll be on the edge of your seat as you witness the mad dash to milk the vapid, effects-driven cow before the negative word of mouth gets all the way around. It’s Hollywood, baby, and it’s bigger and faker than ever before.
“Astounding!” raves Entertainment Weekly. "A cinematic triumph,” crows CNN. “Will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish,” says David Manning. “Who’s David Manning?” you ask. Why he’s the fabricated Hollywood movie critic that Sony Pictures used two years ago to hype A Knights Tale, The Animal, Vertical Limit, and The Patriot. They got caught and paid $1.5 million. But how many of these studios have lied and gotten away with it? Every one of them. And we’re the suckers that keep buying it.
It doesn’t need to be this way. If they paid just a little more to get a good story and script, we might be getting our money’s worth. But that’s not how Hollywoood works.
You can’t depend on the real critics either because they have to be balanced. There have been years where the crud coming from Hollywood didn’t warrant a balanced perspective. Unless you watch it while on dope, there are absolutely no redeeming qualities to the movie Crank- or most of the other movies out there. How does one who rates movies for a living even keep a bead on what's good? Watch enough trash and some of it starts to seem kinda entertaining. Relativism sets in. And, by the way, that theory also helps explain how Crank, Starsky and Hutch, and 98% of all the other movies coming out of that world even get made in the first place.
If they want to continue to sell this kind of plastic mush sprinkled with neon lights, then they might find Americans loving movies less and less every year.