Upon reflection, it has become increasingly evident that the world outside the border of the United States has developed quite a long list of valid grievances that, I feel, have been allowed to fester far far too long. In short, the world deserves an apology and I think everyone knows that one won't be coming from our leadership. Therefore, I have decided to take it upon myself to issue my own heartfelt apology and whomever else wants to add to it may do so in the comments section.
Rather than issue a blanket apology, I have endeavored to take the grievances one by one.
1) Sorry about all those bases in your backyard. I realize that you feel threatened and offended by them. If it's any consolation, I wouldn't want them anywhere near me either. Nor did most of us Americans throw our support behind putting them there in the first place. I would also like to apologize for the behavior of some of our soldiers who flout your laws, insult your customs, and disrespect your people. Sorry about that.
2) Sorry about the part where our leaders and citizens constantly claim that we are the leader of the free world and then ignore treaties, reject international tribunals, neglect to pay our bills, and invade nations without due cause (see #3 for more on that last one).
3) Sorry about Iraq. The whole thing. So so sorry. I know that one will take generations to repair.
4) Sorry about the loud American tourists who, while walking down your ancient cobblestone streets and frequenting your places of business, behave as if they are actually at a Las Vegas strip club.
5) Sorry about our companies who come into your country and throw their weight around - in the case of oil companies by literally funding and encouraging violence. I am sorry that our pop culture seeps into everything like a warm beer spilled on the carpet. You just can't get it out. (Though it might help to stop buying it. Just sayin').
6) Sorry that we more or less broke off normal diplomatic relations with you in 2000. It wasn't a great way to start off a millennium. We do need your friendship and support, I'm not sure why our leaders don't agree on that.
7) Sorry that the US didn't sign the Kyoto Treaty and continues to do everything it can to undermine the reformation of energy policies and environmental legislation without seeming to care.
8) Sorry about Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld and Rice and Powell. So incredibly sorry. Words cannot begin to express my own anger, frustration, sadness and disillusionment at this time. But suffice it to say that this thing ain't over and I continue to hope that all their crimes can be undone.
I hope that you can see it in your heart to forgive America some day and to accept it back into your good graces. There is a big part of America that has a big heart and a thoughtful intelligence and a strong sense of responsibility. I just see us wrestling with the dynamics of capitalism right now. We've also been dabbling with some dangerous, misguided ideologies which have kind of led us astray. Needless to say, you've seen a rather ugly side of America lately and I'm sorry about that.
I have confidence that we can outgrow it eventually and arrive in a much better place. Call it a phase. No excuses though. Just apologies. Many many apologies.