I had a sugar free Full Throttle last night on the way home from work. I suddenly had the urge to run home from BART. I ran up a very steep hill and into my house. Then I ran around getting the kids ready for bed. Then I ran upstairs and laid down with one of my kids. Then I ran downstairs and voraciously consumed content on the Internet. Then I ran to bed and went to sleep. Where I had dreams about running.
Brawndo the thirst mutilator
It's like a monster truck that you can pour into your face.
It's got electrolytes
What are electrolytes?
I don't know but they're extremely awesome
and Brawndo is full of them
and they help plants grow
Which is why you should drink Brawndo instead of water
Because water is from the toilet and I've never seen plants grow out of a toilet
It's got caffeine (super extra caffeine)
and five kinds of sugar
which makes it delicious
and better than other kinds of energy drinks that are not delicious
Drinking it makes you wonder why you've never crushed a human skull with your bare hands
But you won't have to because you already know that Brawndo tastes how that would feel
which is like having sex with the tractor trailer in a parking lot
I just split my pants like the incredible hulk
See that? Brawndo will make you need new pants
and while you're out buying new pants you should pick up new shoes
because you're going to wear out your shoes from kicking everyone's ass all the time.
Brawndo will make you want to kick everyone's ass all the time
which might be good or bad but either way you're going to win
because Brawndo will make you win in things that you're not even supposed to win at
Brawndo will make you win at yelling
Or instead of yelling maybe something else like jumping or waving
because you'll be able to wave your hands really fast
and you'll probably become invisible
which doesn't even make any sense
but if that doesn't happen then you'll probably just end up running somewhere
Which is good if you like running, but even if you don't Brawndo will help you win at exercise.