The Bullshit Observer

A Liar's Guide To Politics

When the attention of the general populace centers on a particular topic and we try and make some sense of it, certain phrases emerge around different positions: Global warming, death tax, working poor, etc.

These phrases become shorthand for how we understand the topic. The media grabs hold of them and sets them in stone. But for many businesses, industries and politicians, these phrases can be slightly, er, inconvenient.

Take drilling for oil for example. The term "drilling" makes us think of raping the planet over and over. We're just making big deep holes in the Earth's crust in hopes of finding a big subterrainian pool of oil that we can then harvest and burn and further pollute the planet. That's what oil companies do for a living and it sounds rather unsavory. Let's try "Engergy Exploration" on for size. I love a good adventure! Yay! That sounds like fun. Suddenly you've removed the unsavory connotations from the front end of the discussion (which is where most public discussions end anyway).

This is what Republican pollster Frank Luntz does for a living. And he's pretty damn good at it. So good, in fact, that Republican politicians and companies hire him to advise them. He has a whole new crop of euphamisms that he's putting out there these days and here they are:

Capitalism > Economic Freedom: In the age of "Occupy Wall Street" (#OWS) capitalism has gotten a very bad rap. If the protesters are to be believed, it's simply not working for 99% of the gereral population. But who's going to argue with the idea of economic freedom? That's what capitalism theoretically represents, right? Now, the net result of this economic "freedom" is that the rich get richer and the middle class gets their ass kicked back down to the ranks of the poor, who get poorer. But if it's not economic freedom, then what is the answer?

Middle Class > Hardworking Taxpayers: Since the middle class is gone anyway, let's get rid of the term, too and dismantle this idea of classism. Having it as part of our political lexicon just reminds everyone that they're missing and that the rich screwed them. Hardworking taxpayers, well, they're everyone. Even the rich are hardworking taxpayers. Sort of.

Government Spending > Waste: The less government is involved in the economy the more money corporations are allowed to make at the expense of everyone and everything else. So let's minimize its contribution by dismissing everything it does as a total and complete waste of money. Of course, if you take all of that government waste out of the equation, the first thing that would happen is a big violent free-for all.

Entreprenuer > Job Creator: Easier to spell! But that's not all! This would make all rich people job creators and all poor people the beneficiaries of the rich people. That's fantastic! Who's going to rise up against a bunch of job creators? Who's going to want to tax the job creators?  Of course, if these job creators were actually creating jobs then we'd have more than we currently have, now wouldn't we?

See how we do that? We just tweak to re-frame and suddenly the people in power are harder to attack. Other advice from Luntz, "Tell the occupiers: 'I get it,' always blame Washington, and never ever say you're willing to compromise. That sounds weak."

So as you start to hear some of these phrases make their way into the public debate, think of Frank. And think, "Bullshit."

 

Politics: Welcome To Hog-Washington

Looking out at the field of politicians vying for positions of power in Washington, one gets a sinking feeling that we, as a nation and, perhaps, as a political system, have officially jumped the shark.

The bargain that we have made all these 235 years is that in exchange for our votes, the person who would eventually hold political office would represent our interests. Whomever had the right message and platform would garner the most votes and thus rule the country in a way consistent with the prevailing will of the people. The man or woman who was elected could be trusted to carry out the promise of their campaign and merely be a human projection of what the people said they wanted. That was the democratic system that the founders of this country put in place.

Today we have a funhouse version of that democracy where the will of the people is hard to discern and their votes are easy to hijack. The people only really get to pick from the crop of candidates most aligned with private/corporate interests and thus better able to raise the money required to buy the advertising and manpower to persuade more people in more places to vote for them. That and they are made of Teflon. (11/4/11: Slight correction, Herman Cain is apparently NOT made of Teflon).

"Both the Democratic and Republican proposals represent a total hijacking of the by the 1%. Members of the Super Committee and other elected officials may not feel the urgency of America's unemployed and underemployed, but if they keep ignoring the will of the people, they will join the ranks of those unemployed, come election day." Nancy Altman, Huffpo Politics, 10/29/11

Most of the candidates today wouldn't even have a campaign platform if one wasn't outlined for them through the complex web of campaign donors, filtered through the team of campaign strategists, approved by party wags and focus grouped and focus grouped and focus grouped until it started to sell. Once elected, that all goes out the window anyway because it was just a strategy to get elected. Once elected, it's government by favor-granting and the mathmatics involved in keeping people aligned with you. Gone is the promise of more jobs, better education for our kids, more benefits for our veterans, stricter banking regulations, more oversight in corporate America etc. etc.

"Campaigning for president of the United States is essentially a marketing process, in which candidates present themselves as products, differentiate themselves from the other products and make proposals on how they will perform if they get the job." Forbes Magazine, 8/10/11

Most of the real radical changes that career politicians "propose"/"promise" are completely unrealistic anyway. That's because governance today is merely a byproduct of the party-driven roller derby in Washington and private interests asserting themselves. While something might be good for the country and the people, and in fact expressly requested BY the people, neither party wants to grant the other one a "win" of any kind. So instead of good ideas implimented well we get an amagamation of a million horse trades, favors, and side deals that together make up some sort of change in policy only partly related to the problem that the people wanted fixed. Case in point: Obamacare. Step forward? Barely. Arguably a step backward.

Think about it, if the people's will had been done, would we be in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay? Not today we wouldn't. We wouldn't have bailed out the automakers or the big banks. The former AIG exec sitting in his hottub in his penthouse overlooking the Manhattan skyline wondering how he's going to spend your tax money would be budgeting the remainder of his savings account and wondering how he's going to put his kids through college. We would have a jobs-focused administration. We would have hope and change. But instead we have death abroad, instability at home and a bunch of very very rich people at the tippy top of the food chain that aren't trickling their money down.

In other words, we do not exactly have government by the people, for the people. It's a full blown three ring Ringling Brothers enterprise. But instead of being merely a grumbler, I have a solution  and it's not what you might think. If you want a better run government (like I do), you need to stop buying what they're selling. I'm not saying "don't vote." Oh no, that would be the predictable thing to say at this point. The problem with not voting is that it's very unempowering. You have this gift of a vote. A voice, however tiny, in the cocophony of this sideshow. If we don't use our voices, nothing will change.  But if we all used our voice to say, roughly, the same thing, the people who are bought into this system will have to take notice. In November, 1989, a Czech poet naned Vaclav Havel raised his keys in the air and shook them in fury against the Soviet occupation. A million Czech people did the same thing and the roar that those keys freed the nation and, in time, brought down the Soviet empire.

What I propose is simple: vote who you want to vote for - which is to say, not these overly polished human products you see before you in the press. Ask yourself, who do you think would do a good job? Certainly not Mitt Romney. That guy doesn't stand for anything. And not some crazy pizza guy. Not even Barak Obama. Those are the guys that this political circus put in front of you. Vote for anybody you think would do a good job. Literally anyone. The butcher. Your doctor. You're lawyer. A business leader that you admire. Or even a public servant in another kind of leadership role. Shit, vote for your Dad if you want. Whatever you do DO NOT vote for the field. Make sure those billions of dollars that went to convince you to vote for someone who eventually will not be representing your interests DO NOT WORK. By collectively not voting for the field we will be collectively saying the same thing: We, the people, don't buy it anymore. Bring us the real thing.

Spread the word around. Vote with your heart this time.

11/4/11 FOLLOW UP: Since I wrote this, a friend sent me a link to Americans Elect, a non-profit organization that is gathering votes for a ballot slot in all 50 states for a 3rd party candidate that the people will choose. Brilliant. If you actually give even half a shit about this nation, please go sign the petition. If you don't, then join the other 150 million who are voting for Mitt Romney because he's barely electable.

The First Republican-To-English Dictionary

Heloooo! We are back.

Yes, the Bullshit Observer took a little three year hiatus because it seemed like a sufficient degree of sanity had returned to the world as to make the bullshit observing less consequential. T'was not so. So we're back in the bullshit observing saddle and ready to ride through this really very interesting looking election cycle.

One thing I've been trying to put my finger on is the Republican way of observing the world. My feeling is that IF I understand that, I can start to understand what's happening around me. I was having trouble putting my finger on it because there's just no making sense of it. But I did come across a very helpful Republican Dictionary today over at HuffPo written by a Mr. Jonathan Bines. It is in Mr. Bines's (Bines'?) honor that I flat out copy paste the whole shebang right here for you to enjoy. Because apparently that's what bloggers do.  I thank you Mr. Bines. Really. This helps.

• America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western Hemisphere that is #1.
• Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.
• Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.
• Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted.
• Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.
• Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.
• Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.
• Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast.
• Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything.
• Condescending: Accurately informed.
• Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately.
• Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed.
• Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans that don't matter.
• Democrat: A political party.
• Election: A method of selecting representatives, the fraudulence of which may be determined by the outcome.
• Elitist: Qualified.
• Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.
• Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there.
• Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that are held by only a majority of Americans.
• Fact: Information that has been verifiably posted to a RedState comment board.
• Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.
• Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made.
• Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that perpetuates itself through youth recruitment.
• Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.
• Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.
• League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and colleges, the lack of a fancy education from which qualifies a candidate for political office.
• Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.
• Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx and promulgated by Paul Krugman.
• Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear things.
• Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.
• Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.
• Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.
• Muslims: Brown people who have it coming.
• News: Fox News
• Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.
• Organic: Eaten by lesbians.
• Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of "No Taxation With Representation."
• Poll: A survey used to determine, to within a margin of error, what percentage of Americans are right.
• Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material resources due to not trying hard enough.
• Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York Times.
• Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of someone who is definitely guilty.
• Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.
• Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.
• Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on President Ronald Reagan.
• Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation, experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless left-wing agenda.
• Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.
• Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR.
• Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the lower they are.
• Torture: A method of interrogation that does not rise to the level of torture.
• Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S. economy unless his demands are met should not be compared.
• Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of the looking glass.
• Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny.
• Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, is down.
• Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening.
• Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.
• Yes: (no translation available)

Help Documentarians Who Are Filming The Gulf Spill

• 6,000,000: The number of gallons of oil that spilled in the first week.
• 840,000: The number of gallons that spill a day. 
• 42,000: The number of gallons of oil per day that BP said were leaking. 
• 11,000,000: The number of gallons of oil that spilled from the Exxon Valdez
• 20,600,000: The estimated number of gallons of oil that have spilled in the gulf as of May 10 (today)
• 8: The number of Gulf of Mexico's fishing ports that rank among the top 20 in the nation by $.
• $10,000,000,000: the value of Florida's recreational/commercial saltwater fishing industry 
• 150,000: The number of jobs in Florida's recreational/commercial saltwater fishing industry.
• $75,000,000: The official legal cap on damages that BP can be held to for economic problems like lost wages or dwindling tourist dollars.
• $10,000,000,000: The amount that some members of Congress want to hold BP accountable for. 

Make you mad? Do something about it. Donate to these documentarians (named Deep Water Films) - one of whom is my sister in law - to help fund their film (I just donated $30, but you can donate any amount you choose).

If you too want to switch our nation's energy diet to clean, renewable energy, then spreading awareness of the hazards of oil consumption is step number 1.

Now here's a graphic representation of what caused the disaster in the first place (download it to see larger here: Download Oil-cause-050710

10 Things To Do Instead of Writing Stupid Lists That Really Anyone Could Write

If you're just sitting around, like dozens of people today are, and you feel an urge to write a list of things that you plan on sharing with the world, a top ten list, say... or perhaps it's the Top 10 Most Annoying Characters on TV, or Top 10 remarkable engineers of all time or perhaps even Lindsay Lohan's top 10 favorite sexual positions while she's hopped up on crack and hanging out at some photographer's house, whatever, just STOP yourself, please, and consider a few other, let's say 10, activities that those of us out in the world would rather you partook in.

1) Start a boy band: It seems there's a niche currently. You'll need to assemble a group of good looking young boys who can dance and cover the incredibly large spectrum of personality types between rebel and brooding rebel. Then figure out what your hair styles are going to be. There...you're done.

2) Learn to etch glass with a rotary tool.  Etched decorations never go out of style. Mainly because they're never in style to begin with. They exist above the whole style paradigm. Give one to your loved one. They'll be so touched.

3) Take Full Advantage of Your Former Employer's Outplacement Service. There are strong professionals in this field who will guide and instruct you on how to get another job in your field. If that doesn't work, consider a new career as an outplacement professional!

4) Resolve yourself to take better care of your tattoo. Cleaning it with antibacterial soap, applying Aquaphor ointment in thin layers and using non-scented lotion can help your stupid fucking tattoo of Woody Woodpecker look its best.

5) Remove the blood stain from the drapes. Yes, it might add to the intrigue of your pad, but also clashes with the carpet. First thing to remember is that blood is protein and proteins require cold water. If the blood's been around awhile, you might want to use cold water with Oxyclean. That's what, er, I've heard anyway.

6) Learn how to read sheet music. Don't just play the music, feeeeeeelll the music. That's it...you'll be Stairwaying To Heaven in no time. 

7) Chip in your time on a missing person's search and rescue. Clearly you have oodles of time, so don't be selfish. Check the local hospitals. Over 2,000 people go missing every single day. You could be one of them. Hey, seriously, are you one of them?

8) Go fuck with that army of ants that lives in the corner behind the wall. You've seen the scouts. You know what the're looking for. The time has come to draw out the herd and squash them. Bring home one of those free candy suckers from the laundry mat and put it out for them. Wait till the ant highway is like 5 lanes each way - then douse them with maple syrup and watch them drown in their own version of a happy meal. Oh, you're so sick.

9) Try to decide between bankruptsy or forclosure. You don't really need both. You could potentially file for bankruptsy and exempt your home from the asset list that debtors can access. In any case, you'll need some time to ponder this and that's time you won't be spending cluttering the world with your top 10 lists that really anyone could write. 

10) Pray. Start praying a simple prayer... for example "God what is my purpose on this earth". Get in a habit of waiting for his response before doing anything else. 

How's That Recession Treatin' Ya?

I went to a gathering the other night at the Prague Cafe in San Francisco and hung out with a few people that I didn't actually know. Seems that half the people I met were unemployed. Some of them with MBA's. One of them had been out of work for 2.5 years. Not a great time to be a worker bee in America. Just look at this fucking debacle of a chart from NYT.

Note: Vertical axis shows the ratio of that month’s nonfarm payrolls to the nonfarm payrolls at the start of recession.

Like the B52's Rock Lobster song, "Down...down....down."

Now, as we head into the holiday season, let's look at the retail numbers from The Rockefeller Institute.

Whether we've bottomed out there is hard to say. But if unemployment hasn't bottomed out, then it's doubtful that retail spending is going to rebound anytime soon. Which means we're still stuck in the great recession (or coping with a contraction is perhaps a better way to put it) until further notice.

Caligula for President: Better Living Through Tyranny

I am reading a post-Bush era tome called "Caligula for President" by Salon.com contributor Cindra Wilson. Some very sharp-witted political writing masquerading as a modern day speech (of sorts) by Caligula, an entirely amoral figure from Rome's imperial Julio-Claudian dynasty. If you're looking for a little catharsis, a little free flowing rant, I highly recommend it. Here's a little tasty nugget from the book:

As former Indiana basketball coach Bob Knight once said, " If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it."

Let the corporations have their way with you and your country for a while and, in the end, everything will normalize to how it was before they got there! Eventually, everything will be so trashed and pillaged, it will need to be regulated by the government again!

Regulations eventually seep back in as governors on the unchecked corruption and unaccountable greed that flourishes when the free market is left to nakedly pursue its own appetites with no grown-ups or babysitters in the house. It's sort of like letting go of the steering wheel and flooring it at the same time. It's really fun for a minute. 

OK. Back to the rape at hand, everyone. We're still in Capitalism's long minute of fun. Sorta. 

Gimmie that old time religion...and a 747

A Bolivian citizen named Jose used a pretend juice-can-bomb to hijack an airplane from Cancun today as it landed in Mexico City after receiving a divine revelation. He said Wednesday's date — 9-9-09 — is the satanic number 666 turned upside down.

Well, I'll be damned...so it is. Let's throw the world into chaos, shall we? You know, I think I saw Jesus's head as a rust stain on my car's tailpipe this morning. Plus, tomorrow's date actually adds up to to 28, which is EXACTLY 10 more than 18, which is 666 added together. Twofer? Oh, that's right, you'll be busy with being locked up in prison. Forever.

"Christ is coming soon," Jose was quoted as saying, smirk on his face and bible in hand.

Well Jose, were I you, I'd be hoping like hell that Jesus is not coming. Because if he does show up  and you're nearby, he's going to kick your stupid ass for misunderstanding the point of the entire f-ing religion. 

Sidebar: People, could it be, that the problem this world is having is not about terrorism itself, but the source of terrorism - which, as everyone knows, is religion?

Why treat the symptom?

If you agree, send me a sign.

Hey Barack, Don't Look Down!

Since he ws elected, and even before then, Barack Obama has come to represent a lot of things to a lot of people. He has become a living icon of the restoration of the United States we once admired. An icon representing the rejection of the cynacism, rampant profiteering, and lawlessness that has leaked out of DC and infected the whole world. He is being revered as a savior before he even steps into office. A Jesus-Buddah-MLK.

No doubt some people are hoping he can reverse global warming, feed the hungry, cure the sick, bring about world peace and invent a tomato plant that thrives in winter.

Today, I saw a several childrens books honoring his name and story.

World, you've gone way way too far. Not only is he just a man, he is a politician. He hasn't even begun the freakin' job. He will soon show you what he is made of and I'm afraid he's not the Midas you were expecting. He's no messiah. He's not even an Oprah.

That said, he's no G.W. Bush, which I think is where the original spark of enthusiasm came from. He does appear to be a moral man and I do think we will repsresent a significant, positive change in the way this country operates.

Furthermore, I do not want to diminish the significance of having, at last, a black/mixed race/different looking president. It is a historic time and I'm glad he's in the White House and not John McCain and the Alaskan hussy.

But I do worry about how high the world has built him up. There are very smart political hitmen that work for the conservative wing of our government who have taken character assasination to high art. Barak Obama will be an easy target sitting on that shakey pedastal and there is a long long long way to fall.

World, I urge you to temper your enthusaism with a heaping helping of realism. It'l ll be better for you in the long run and it'll be safer for Barak Obama.

Layoff Trends

It seems that there has been a lot of talk of layoffs lately. But in order to know for sure, I checked with Google Insights.

In terms of Search Traffic here is the Google Insights Data for the word "Layoffs" since 2004-Present. Sure enough, there HAS been a lot of talk of layoffs lately (relative to before there was a lot of talk, which wasn't that long ago.)

And here is the data for the word "Layoffs" in 2008:

So it's pretty crazy out there, as you can see. This woman pictured below was an unemployed writer on Market Street in San Francisco holding a sign that stated that she would blog for food. Sorta funny. Sorta sad. But what's remarkable is that some CEO at a small Bay Area software company admired her moxie and basically decided to take her up on it. Though he didn't really like the idea of compensating her in groceries and hoped that she would take money instead. My guess is she probably will. 

Here's one day (12/10) worth of layoff news on a site called Layoff Daily:

Yahoo! Cutting 10% of Workforce

Rio Tinto Mining Cutting 14,000 Worldwide

Chase Cuts 270

40 Hart GHSP jobs lost amid auto industry disaster

American National Rubber Cuts 50

City of Atlanta Cuts 97 Workers

Clairol Plant Closing 320 Get the Axe

FNX Mining -304

11 Laid off From GFB Plant

Grede Foundry Cuts 60

Hutchinson Technology to Layoff over 1000

Kalitta Air Cuts 200

Mack Truck to Axe 180

Mobil Mini to cut 135 AZ Mfg. Jobs

National Association of Home Builders - 52

Office Depot Will Close 112 Stores

Pitney Bowes Cust 128 in Software Division

Franklin Electric will cut 200 jobs

National Public Radio Laying Off 64