The Bullshit Observer

Louisiana Judge Refuses To Marry Interracial Couple

File this under "further proof America is slipping back into the dark ages."

Louisiana judge Keith Bardwell refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple because it's his experience that when you mix the races, the marriages tend to end quickly in divorce. Plus, the kids get teased and feel unwelcome in both cultures. He did it, or rather didn't do it, out of concern for any children the couple might have.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

As if allowing an African American newlywed to use your bathroom can safely put to rest any suspicions that you might have a racist streak. "No, the groom said he had to urinate and I pointed the way. Clearly I wouldn't burn a cross on the guy's lawn next Sunday at noon," Bardwell didn't say.

Incidentally, marriage between the races used to be illegal in the Thirteen Colonies from the late seventeenth century onwards, and subsequently in several US states and US territories until 1967. Similar laws were also enforced in Nazi Germany, from 1935 until 1945.  the United States Supreme Court unanimously ruled in Loving v. Virginia that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. Of the 16 states who still had laws on the books banning interracial marriage in 1967 when they were finally ruled unconstitutional, 15 of them were in the bumfuck, backward-ass South.

No offense to any southerners.

UPDATE 10/17/09: 4:31P

Heat Builds in Interracial Marriage Denial Calls Intensify for Firing or Resignation of La. Justice of the Peace Who Wouldn't Marry Black Man, White Woman.

Sell The Vatican, Feed The World

Side Note: "Global hunger is a “world emergency” now, if it wasn’t before, with the number of hungry people rising to a record 1 billion, according to the United Nations. Given this scary statistic, it’s not looking good for a goal, set in 2000, to reduce the number of people going hungry worldwide by half by 2015." Truthdig.

Gimmie that old time religion...and a 747

A Bolivian citizen named Jose used a pretend juice-can-bomb to hijack an airplane from Cancun today as it landed in Mexico City after receiving a divine revelation. He said Wednesday's date — 9-9-09 — is the satanic number 666 turned upside down.

Well, I'll be damned...so it is. Let's throw the world into chaos, shall we? You know, I think I saw Jesus's head as a rust stain on my car's tailpipe this morning. Plus, tomorrow's date actually adds up to to 28, which is EXACTLY 10 more than 18, which is 666 added together. Twofer? Oh, that's right, you'll be busy with being locked up in prison. Forever.

"Christ is coming soon," Jose was quoted as saying, smirk on his face and bible in hand.

Well Jose, were I you, I'd be hoping like hell that Jesus is not coming. Because if he does show up  and you're nearby, he's going to kick your stupid ass for misunderstanding the point of the entire f-ing religion. 

Sidebar: People, could it be, that the problem this world is having is not about terrorism itself, but the source of terrorism - which, as everyone knows, is religion?

Why treat the symptom?

If you agree, send me a sign.

The Burquini Vs. The Bikini

Rejoice! Muslim women can now bathe. Well, publicly anyway. The solution, a burqua that's a burquini, was born out of Australia in 2007 (so not that new, but relative to the age of their culture, like yesterday).

Since Muslim women are apparently unclean even when they're bathing, the new swimwear will cover them from the tip of their head to just below their dirty, naughty, and probably overly-sexy ankles. 

Being that they use so much fabric, they are rather pricey though. $160 USD or so. But think of the UV protection. A few more years of global warming and we'll all be wearing these. Get yours today.  Then again, it's rather hard to turn away from this:

Mormon Underwear: Mentioning the Unmentionables

Modeled by Mitt and Anne Romney here, Mormon underwear, or "garmies" as they're referred to by cult members, are designed to serve as a reminder of special promises made to their God. Given that Utah is the state with the highest online porn use in the country (and probably the least sex between married couples), I would have to say that perhaps they need a much better reminder. Maybe post it notes or writing stuff on their hands.

Can you image coming across a Mormon at McDonalds with "Do not wack off to pictures of Elle Liberachi!," in big letters on his hand?

According to Mormons, mocking the Mormon garment is a very offensive form of hate-speech. According to ex-Mormons, mocking the Mormon garment is more like therapy-speech. As far as I'm concerned, it's pointing-out-how-wacked-the-self-righteous-moralizers-are speech.

Some comments about "garmies" from across the country:

Cheryl: "As I grew up, every adult I knew wore garmies. My aunties peed through a gaping slit in them."

Gary: "I have had people look at me in an odd manner when they can tell I'm not wearing garments."

Helen: "When I stopped wearing garments, but was still going to Church, I always made sure I wore something that would not even give a hint I may not be wearing my garments for that would have ended in a call to the Bishop's office."

The Lyoness: There are garment lines, and then there are “normal people” underwear lines.  If I had stopped wearing my garments without telling my coworkers first, they would have noticed anyway.

Though I totally and completely respect the Mormon faith, I simply must point out (that it's a freakish cult with a fucked up sense of reality) this rather odd custom. That is all. Complaints can be submitted in the comment field. ta-ta.

Porn Statistics: Debbie Does Salt Lake

Wondering which state has the highest appetite for porn?

Yeah, I know you're not, and frankly neither was I. But that's not to say that I wasn't totally shocked (and then oddly titillated) to stumble upon the knowledge that it's the most conservative, religious, and self-righteous state in the union.

That's right ladies and gents, the state with the highest per capita consumption of porn is Utah.

Utah?

Utah.

This is also funny because Utah was the first state to appoint an anti-porn czar. One of the first issues that Paula Houston, said czar, took on back in 2001 when she started was to decide whether unclothed mannequins would be considered pornographic. She firmly believes pornography is destructive to society and degrades women. And her husband agrees. Totally 100%, babe. You get em'. I'll be in my office working late again. Don't wait up.

Living in Atlanta, I always thought it was funny to be so deep in the bible belt and yet surrounded by both churches and porn shops. They'd be right across the street from each other.  I suppose they'd drop their porn video in the return slot and then hop over to the church for a little confession and everything's copacetic in their twisted little belief system.

Interestingly, the Harvard University study published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives that made this finding about Utah also found that the red states, the, er, conservative states, ALL have higher online subscription rates for porn. Which suggests to me that the more outspoken you are about moral issues, the more likely you are to have a copy of "No Country for Old Skanks" or "Horton Hears of Ho" in your underwear drawer.

From ABC News, who also covered the findings:

Those states that do consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious than states with lower levels of consumption, the study finds.

“Some of the people who are most outraged turn out to be consumers of the very things they claimed to be outraged by,” Edelman says.

Eight out of the top ten states for porno consumption voted for John "Pallin' around with Palin" McCain. Looks like the moral high horse these folks have been trotting around on was really just a pony with a hard on.

One of the truest things I've ever read was this quote from Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, a book by Tom Robbins's: "Big front has big back." In other words, what you see being projected outward has a shadow side. Big moralizers tend to be deeply flawed. Much to the delight of us heathens.

I don't think it's healthy for human nature to deny your sexual side, the erotic and the sensual sides of life. Suppressing things so central to our nature just perverts them and they find another way out.

Speaking of perversion, here's Wayne's World doing top ten porno film names for your viewing pleasure (and I do mean pleasure):

MTV Shows

Merry Christ Is Born Day!

I'm not into religion, but I do love the Christmas season. For one thing, Christians are very good at rejoicing that their main dude Christ was born. And their enthusiasm for him is quite contagious. It's their songs and their smiles and their ability to assume that everyone is Christian during this part of the year that just gets me every time.

That and Charlie Brown's Christmas Special.

For another thing, it's a good excuse to huddle up with family and get back in touch. Unless your family is crazy - which thankfully mine is not.

As for the real religious nature of the holiday, it's bullshit. Utter crap, really. As is their entire dogma. It's dangerous and annoying, and is a poor substitute for real morality. Theirs is a morality motivated by avoidance and fear - avoiding sin for fear that they will spend eternity in the burning fires of hell. This clouds ones sense of right and wrong rather than illuminates it. And it creates an unhealthy tension in people where they want things that they believe are bad. If they were aloud to look at things and really consider them, they'd know why those things were bad and would be far less likely to want them.

Here's philosopher Pat Condell explaining this thought far more articulately than I could.

And here are three teenage girls singing "It's cold outside" for Christmas. This kind of illustrates why I still love Christmas.

For Those Who Want To Boycott Mormonism

If you're looking to boycott Utah, you're going to have to work really really hard.

Problem is, they don't really sell anything outside of Mormonism. They've got a bunch of telemarketing companies...as if you could hate them any more than you already do. There are a few large health care companies (ditto) - but nothing I recognize. In other words, their economy is about as insulated as their culture.

You could boycott the Sundance Film Festival, but that's pointless. Most people involved with that feel the same way you do. In short, there's not much you can do about it financially. You could plan a trip to Utah and then cancel it. You could not send your kids to BYU.

LOL.

Prop 8 Meddlers See Layoffs

Clearly someone's God has some kind of sense of humor. After spending over $500k on defeating Prop 8 in California, a group of Christian meddlers named "Focus on Family" finds that themselves short of cashola and in need of laying off 20% of their meddling, self-rightous workforce.

Wonkette wonders whether the effected workers are happy in the knowledge that the money that would otherwise pay their salaries went toward ensuring that otherwise happy couples will be unable to do such things as visit each other in the hospital and adopt otherwise unwanted children. 

Yeah, what a relief, huh? Those long days at the library thumbing through old issues of "Watchtower" are going to be sooooooo much sweeeter knowing that gay people who are in relationships can't get tax breaks. Phew.

I'm sure the food stamps taste just a little sweeter knowing that. Enjoy your Saltines, fuckers.

The Mormon Proposition

 On the face of it, religion is a really nice idea. There's this big God guy up in the sky who spends his days watching you on earth and telling you what you can do and can't do.  It's comforting for people to know that there's someone looking after them. And having that kind of guidance is comforting, too.

The problem with religion comes when people believe in the stories to such a degree that they think that EVERYONE should believe those same stories. That everyone should live by the same code that they believe their God has laid down. That's called ego-centrism. The religion's followers believe that they must spread their pretend reality, their make-believe stories, until everyone believes as they do. That way they'll feel more secure with the world around them. When people believe something different than what they believe, it makes them nervous, indignant, and ultimately dangerous.

Mormon's are one of the biggest offending religions when it comes to this. And now they're doing it in California with Proposition 8. Proposition 8 would make it illegal for same-sex couples to get married. Because Mormons believe that allowing same sex couples to get married somehow endangers the institution of marriage more than, oh, say polygamy. A propsterous belief since us hetero people have done about as much damage to the institution of marriage as can possibly be done and it still seems to be doing fine. In fact, gay couples are getting married legally RIGHT NOW and it doesn't appear that the sky has fallen in.

Anyway, the Mormon Church in Utah has intervened into the lives of Californian's by pouring millions upon millions of dollars into revoking the equal rights of same-sex couples.

Proposition 8 would make it illegal for same-sex couples to get married. Because Mormons believe that allowing same sex couples to get married somehow endangers the institution of marriage more than, oh, say polygamy.

And what does that money buy you? Aside from all of the lying TV ads they've put out there threatening the corruption of young children, they have a very sophisticated website/money taking machine (they ask for donations with a lightbox takeover immediately upon clicking in). They have a You Tube page, a Facebook page, a Twitter page, and a MySpace page. They claim that God is on their side. With as much money as they are throwing into it, they don't need any make-believe omnipresent diety on their side.

This interventionism may work in the near term. But at what cost? Think of the California Mormons who may have developed a live and let live philosophy (out of sheer proximity to high levels of open-mindedness here). They will now be shunned as the worst kind of religious nut - the kind that tries to convert you to their belief system.  What will it be like to be Mormon in the Bay Area or San Francisco itself? Not fun, I tell you. Not fun at all.

And where, do you think, the linear trajectory of this interventionist logic will take you if not to a crowded bus and a suicide belt? Wouldn't your God want you to go all the way with "His Word?" I mean, are you a dedicated follower or aren't you?

It's time for religious people everywhere to stop with the self-rightousness and dogma. You and Sarah Palin can believe that dinos walked the earth six thousand years ago. You can believe that snakes talk and Lazerous rose from the dead and some guy parted the red sea. Believe whatever fucking fairy tale you want to believe. I truly don't care. But DO NOT impose your fairy tale, or any aspect of your fairy tale, on others through driving policy.

You do not own the insitution of marriage. And if you did, as evidenced by some Morman families in Utah, it would truly suck for the women.